Co-parenting is about teamwork,
You and your child's other parent are called "co-parents."
You are co-parents for life.
You and your co-parent may or may not live together or be in an intimate relationship. But you will always be co-parents with each other. You need to work together as partners for your child's sake.
Co-parents put their child's needs first.
For example, when you and your co-parent disagree, ask yourselves, "What is the best for our child?" Calmly seek positive solutions. This team approach can help your child in many ways.
PLEASE TALK TO A PROFESSIONAL..THIS IS NOT A SUBSTITUTE FOR THE ADVICE OF A QUALIFIED EXPERT
Co-parents work together on their child's needs.
Your child is worth the effort!
Effective co-parenting pays off.
Being a good team takes cooperation, committment--and hard work. It can be a bigger challenge when parents live apart. But over time, good co-parenting helps:
- parents beeter meet a child's needs for love, food, shelter, security and discipline
- children have healthy relationships with both parents
- children see good examples of how to act.
Ineffective co-parenting can hurt a child.
For example, a child may:
- not get the discipline he or she needs
- feel confused bt conflicting messages from parents
- feel responsible for parents arguing over child-raising
- have problems with relationships or at school.
Successful co-parenting is good for you and your child!
Cooperate with your co-parent.
Your parenting styles may differ, but you share many goals.
Parents want the best for their children.
You both want your child to grow up happy and able to make good choices. But how do you reach those goals? Raising a child takes a lot of work. There are lots of decisions to be made--together.
A clear plan can help.
Your family will run more smoothly if you all know what's expected. Talk with your co-parent about each other's values and beliefs about child-raising. Discuss parenting strategies. come to agreementson:
- discipline and rules
- dividing household duties
- education and child-care
- other matters (for example, money issues)
Be sure to explain why you feel the way you do about these. for example, do your feelings come from the way you were raised? How can you change to meet your child's needs?
Build an informed parenting team.
With each other
Informed co-parents try to:
- share parenting duties and responsibilities
- communicate directly with each other, openly and respectfully
- settle disagreements in constructive ways
- give their child clear, consistent messages
- support each other's parenting decisions
- take time to nurture themselves and let go of stress.
With the child
Informed co-parents try to be authoritative--not too controlling, but not too permissive. For example, they try to:
- keep control, but give their child choices between acceptable options, so he or she can practice descision making
- have open communication(teach and listen), and involve their child in problem solving
- be activein their child's life
- know where their child is and what he or she is doing
- encourage independence, but respond to their child's needs.
Communication is key to a strong team.
Keep it polite and respectful.
Be an active listener. Pick a good time to talk. choose a time when you're both calm and things are quiet.
All parents have disagreements.
It's how you work them out that makes the difference.
Solving problems together helps your child feel safe and learn how to resolve conflicts.
- Calm down. Take deep breaths or count to 10
- Talk it out. Clearly state the problem. Then each take turns saying what you think and why. Focus on the specific issue--not on the person or past problems.
- Come up with as many solutions as you can. The think of the advantages and disadvantages of each option. Agree on the best one.
You may need to compromise.
Both of you may need to give in a little to find a solution you can both live with__and that works for your child. Keep in mind it's OK to do things a little differently.
- Don't pull your child into your disagreements.
- Do not fight in front of your child, especially about parenting issues.
- If your child sees or hears you disagree, make sure he or she also sees you solve the problem.
- make sure your child knows he or she isn't to blame for your conflicts.
PARENTS ANONYMOUS OF NEW JERSEY, INC.
Parents Anonymous is a self-help group that offers parenting support and referrals to resources in your community. If you are feeling stressed out, you can call their help line 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and speak to a specially trained volunteer to help you work through your frustrations before a crisis occurs.
1-800-THE KIDS (1-800-843-5437)